The scent of chamomile tea reminds me of  the fresh dewy smell of cold mountain air....  brings to my mind nostalgic bittersweet memories of ethereal paradise-like afternoon hours spent at the mountainside...of sweet earthy smell from the moist grass and rich soil and the lush pure crystal waterfalls cascading everywhere......windy and cold.........melancholy rustling of the leaves and only the sound of crickets pervades the still beautiful silence and the panting of my 2 dogs: Bruno and Sow very excited.......weekends of mountaintrips....driving with my 2 dogs to the mountainside...listening to 60s music.....a solitary haven of greeneries trees...isolated forest..welcoming me.....solitude and happiness

Recessiveness .........so many things to do yet unable to do....

Why are people so apathetic and indifferent to the suffering of animals? With so many people with power, fame, financial capacity to do real action to put a real stop to sufferings of animals? One can be a vegetarian and sit apathetic and indifferent, afraid to be controversial or radical, a tiny little coward, so people won’t think you are nuts or crazy.  Most people are such judgmental cowards.  Yet inside they are seething with boredom and apathy at their lives and frustration at their inability to satisfy their hedonistic either material or social climbing aspirations. It is not enough to be a vegetarian and sit while daily animals are being butchered or tortured. Just as one would not want to be in the shoes of these animals suffering daily from physical torture and impending violently induced bloody deaths  and have nobody care enough to help.....  

If I ever achieve anything substantial that would enable me financial liquidity, a position of certain influence, the first thing I want to do is buy several farms of pigs or cows and adopt them all as pets to live out their natural lifespan in the mountainside with me.

People need to be educated about the suffering of animals.  The root of all chaos in the world results from a lack of sensitivity and respect for living creature or entities different from us.  This is also the root of racism.  Zoos..unnatural places of existence for animal.....a patronizing 'method' for man to show his 'superiority' over animals by putting them on 'display' for people to gawk at as if they are 'fascinating mutants'...animals are objectified as 'fascinating intriguing things' not as real feeling breathing creatures who feel pain and emotions like we do. Animals are highly intellegent and can feel love ask any ordinary pet dog and cat owner.  And pigs have been proven to be more highly intelligent than dogs even. Empathy is the key word.  How must a bird feel to spend the rest of its life imprisoned inside a cage for the rest of its lifespan......how would a monkey....an elephant.......a giraffe....in a zoo feel likewise...taken out of its natural inhabitants, enclosed all day in the confines of the 4 walls of a cage.......is this the way to spend out a life?  Put yourself in the animal's shoes and imagine how you would feel to be enclosed in a cage even for a day.........would you feel happy? Imagine if it is to last for a lifetime......and dog owners who keep their pets locked up day and night in small dingy cages.....dogs who are highly intelligent animals, similar like elephants, and other highly intelligent mammals......."Empathy" man lacks this totally and needs to be totally reeducated on this matter alone. the root of a totally chaotic world is the increasing numbers of "intellectual" unfeeling zombies who lack total empathy and are numb and devoid of feelings 

Bears are milked for their gallbladder by some people in China.......and dozens of holes are pierced on their noses by some Gypsies in far-off western countries who force them into making a living for them by pulling them on the streets as quasi-circus like spectacles to earn alms for them.......one bear as a result died due to the great number of  holes pierced on her nose.  Animals in Africa, apes primates are hunted for bushmeat and their natural habitat is gradually destroyed because of man's greed and lust for more. Animals just take what they need. But man's greed is insatiable.  the sufferings of animals' are endless and numerous more than this.......we can all coexist peacefully by leaving animal's alone to live out their natural existence happily in their own natural habitat. If one believes in the law of karma, what one sows, one will eventually reap.

The word 'extreme' is over-used.  Society is full of masked pretentiousness, repressed 'over' civilization which hides inside a seething mass of unbridled emotions. Man has not really civilized himself, he has just found a way to make himself appear 'civilized'. He is the perfect hypocrite.  Moderates.....is what some bourgeouise 'happy suburban' middle-class white collared would like to use on themselves, claiming 'educational sophistication'. Some new immigrants of Middle-eastern or Asian ancestry living in their new Western country trying so hard to be 'accepted' and sound 'Western-ly' cultured. They then talk down on some of their fellow Middle-eastern or asian peers in their newly-acquired pretentious 'Western accent' labelling some of them as 'extremists' 'hardliners' instead of looking into the real root cause of the problem: poverty, racial discrimination, and a general lack of compassion in a dog eats dog world. although definitely the violent and murderous acts this people undertake are totally wrong, still instead of pinning the entire blame on them, one must look at the deeper reason, what caused this to happen? Only then can we bring a true solution to the problem.  No one can negate that small acts of cruelty can lead to a big whole.  Instead of a judgmental holier than though approach, if one will look into a bigger picture and look into historical records, one will find that serial killers, criminals and other deemed outcasts of society, were products of dysfunctional society, a cruel childhood in school, discrimination for whatever 'physical' limitations, more little cruelties in society.The general mentality of society is wrong, a false placation of priorities and values on material/status acquisition over compassion. Hypocrites will deny this but a simple test or measure can be this: How does one behave before a janitor or when one meets a 'king' of a certain country? A person knows in his heart what he is.  It is one that puts merit on 'material acquisition' and callouses an innocent youth's soul, such that by the time he has climbed the proverbial ladder of success, by then he has already sold his soul, and he is just a calloused bitter zombie like the rest, and highly 'accomplished' with lots of material acquisitions, successes to show, but gone is the youthful innocence and idealism, and 'softness or sensitivity/innocence of soul'. And the point here is not just discrimination: racial discrimination, discrimination against homosexuals, against animals, against women, against status, money, physical appearance are all one and the same thing: a result of false bodily identification and a shallow basis of judging a creature: human or animal, based on material acquistion and shallow values. Going back to the arrogance of some of the 'newly educated'  Middle-easterns or Asians who by virtue of their newly acquired western education, feel therefore that they are 'above' the 'less-schooled' masses of their own people, though such 'class racists' are indeed extremely adept at word-play and would never admit to 'looking down', after all they are highly moral religious 'educated' citizens.  Indeed they are 'educated experts' in the art of hypocrisy, merely hiding their arrogance through patronization and condescending smiles, airs and double-entendred talking-down: the equivalent of backhanded slaps.   'Class-racists' would readily shed and dismiss their cultural roots,  feeling ashamed to even own their cultural entity, eager beaver to kowtow or shed totally whatever physical, cultural entities that hints to their origin or ethnic background, they strive to make themselves as caucasian-sounding/looking, as possible,so that they would be 'worthy' in the eyes of their ex colonial masters.  Underneath their false pride, they are so insecure that they would deny their roots in a blink of an eye for a cookie crumble of acceptance from their Western peers.  Inside their own 'morally righteous' hearts they would also cackle at physical or cultural qualities of their fellow-race people,deeming them as 'low-class' and inferior to the Caucasoid race they so worship. Ironically, some of these 'less-westernly-schooled' which they look down on, are the ones who are firmly proud of their roots and are not ashamed of their cultural ethnicity but wear it proudly like a badge.  They were their national clothes with fierce pride and passion.  I am totally totally against violence, anything that causes violence, cruelty of any form. Murder of innocents is totally wrong, the epitome of utmost cruelty and beyond abhorrent.  However, I believe life is passion and conformity is the death of the soul.  To be in between, to be safe, to give up your right to think creatively , to be lazy and mostly to safely toe in the line with those popular, just to save your skin from the controversial spotlight is cowardice, to deny your roots and to discriminate against the less popular, homophobia, discrimination against women, racism, speciesm, all forms of prejudice and bigotry are brought out by cowardly narcissists who want to impose their ideas into everyone, fearful of anything different, while meekly kowtowing to those in power.  Therefore, when you are a people-pleasing white collared 'moderate' who refuses to take the controversial spotlight, you are taking part in all the 'isms' or prejudice which has caused a million deaths in Auschwitz and dozen others cruelties in daily life, discrimination of all forms against the weaker or lesser popular creatures, humans, species existing on this planet.  Without principle or passion, a man may be physically alive, but he does not 'exist' or 'live', he is merely a hollow shell, seeking to enjoy physical pleasures to feed his pompoused overly-important body, totally compassionless, eyes coated in hundred layers of greed and heart numbed by material hedonism.  He is unable to feel. Figuaritively, he is no longer alive. Once passion and principle leaves the innocent youth, his soul has figuratively died and left him.  He is just another feeding vulture on this planet, waiting to suck dry anyone who comes along his way for his pleasures.

Some overcivilized people who have totally lost the ability feel, whose emotions are anally repressed to perfection and stifle everything with pretentious 'genteel demeanor' and silently laugh on people who are capable of expressing how they strongly feel.  Yet inside their tiny repressed hearts, they are seething at the boredom and monotony of their lives, only capable of gossiping and judging others.  Life is passion.  The ability to feel is life.  Once man has lost this, he will be just a puppet going through simple basics of mundane survival.  Passion and principle is everything worth living and dying for. 

Laziness and cowardice are the two greatest 'sins' By sin, I do not mean so in the religious biblical sense, but in the sense, that it inflicts the most pain to innocent creatures on this planet.  As a saying which I can vaguely remember goes, ' it is not that evil men are allowed to sow cruelty, it is that good men are indifferent and allow things to happen' which is the reason why a great amount of cruelty goes to the weak of creatures, humans or otherwise on this planet: discrimination against women, homosexuals, animals, racism, etc.  It is because people are lazy, they do not want to think creatively and deviate from the 'safe norm' they do not want to be castigated in the spotlight, cowardice.  Choose to remain a coward and then accept the natural chaotic state of our planet, because it is a result of the individual choice you have made, which become collective in the bigger end.  Like the fable, the mice who wanted to tie the cat with the bell to prevent it from eating them, people are filled with ideologies, idealism, principles, but nobody puts them into action. And thus, they drift into air......nothingness, or if there are people who dare do so, they are very few.....and when they look back.....who is with them? nobody. and what can one man achieve? not as much as a united populace could........unless people are allowed to think creatively and they can do without an abnormal fear or desire for mass conformity, unless we are allowed to be independent thinkers, the world will remain a chaotic mess......each leaf is unique, each flower is unique each finger print is unique, therefore each man is unique and has a unique right to think, behave, act, and must stand tall and proud of it, never fearing judgment from anyone, as long as he is not inflicting cruelty or pain to any creature, he has a thorough right to express his mind as creatively as possible, that is the real essence of life. creative passion breathes real life. without that everyone is just a zombie going thru memorized machinations.....not thinking what goes beyond the usual 'job' 'marriage'.....not realizing his 'true purpose' on this planet which goes beyond such shallow societal constraints.

It is without doubt there is rampant discrimination against people of Middle Eastern or Asian descent.  The ones who kowtow and try to diffuse or mask their origins and assimilate like a subservient follower are the ones 'patronizingly' accepted by the 'racists'.   The inner roots of the chaos abounding in the world, go to the root of discrimination.  If Western racists could feel half of the psychological discrimination they inflict on people of other ethnic origins, they would be shouting to all and sundry a violation of their human rights, and other dozens of 'civilized' fancy names they could come up as a 'violation' of their rights.  However people of ethnic origins take this discrimination as a daily part of life.  The problem is, people are selfish unless they are the ones who 'feel' what the other is feeling, they think it's not their problem, but if racists could feel what the ethnic groups are feeling, their reactions would most likely be more vehement, given their already smug arrogant and pugnacious attitude.

Bitterness, crab mentality, and a power-tripping attitude.......some attitudes one can see in some people who have risen above their hard less-privileged conditions and now hold small  positions which they use to feed their sadistic need for power and control, very perverted to wreak their power on other innocent victims....power-tripping....I find this attitude most abominable. On the other hand, when you experience some bad experiences in your life, it should cause you to be more sympathetic and compassionate , not the opposite where you become a negative bitter power-tripper who enjoys making the life of other innocent people miserable. But this is the usual system of the world, and what most people become. Then you have some people who are jealous and bitter because they think you are better off than them, they want to pull you down alongside with them. Crab mentality. Instead of being happy for the happiness of others and wishing each other well. The hearts of these people are so small and narrow. They cannot stomach the sight of other people being happy. Instead of being content with their own lives, they live by comparing with others and want to destroy others who they deem better off than their mundane selves.They want you to be as miserable and bitter as they are.   And then equally abominable are people so callous, so indifferent they are unable to feel any 'deemed' extreme emotion, like grief, pain, love, hate..........these extremely "civilized" and "cultured" "professional" moderates and then these 'titled' hollow shells of zombies, a pathetic excuse to being called 'human', ridicule others for their ability to feel. It is because these people have become so  calloused: they are totally incapable of feeling anymore empty hollow "professional" shells highly esteemed by a shallow materialistic "title obssessed" society, to them, nothing matter than their obssessive pursuit of material gain in society's eyes and the esteem of other people of them as 'titled' 'professionals' of society.  these hollow empty materialistic "Professional" walking cases/shells are even more devoid of feelings than robots whose only concern are the pleasures of their own skin and how to enhance their material uplifment and status in society's eyes.........they are the walking zombies of society. These  types of people are the most abominable degenerates of mankind. People forget when they die they are just John doe corpses, their 'titles' 'professionalism' just like a mist of air just like their empty egos, full of themselves, empty in substance. A life led in materialistic pursuit, zero in compassion.

Cow and Sow butt to butt on new year's eve yr 2000. The bulls brothers Bruno and Gotti. Bruno aka the black cow, Baby Mwerzh, the black blob/Curly Surly/ Curly Cow/

Mowzhersters/Squiddlydiddly/Squiddlediddle/Little Baby Mwerzh/Bleatbleat the blacksheep  and Gotti the white little muggersow of a runt aka Ngeeya, Ngeeperscreepers/Ngeezher/infernal swine,sow,creep,beast/nastardly/measly beastly/filthybeasters filtherbeast/ cretinous sow/malodorous  filtherbeast swine/runt/swinersters/ngeeyasi porkchops/porkash/Ngeecreep/Ngeepig/Uncle Ngee or Ngeepers

Bruno and Me May 2000 happily posing before our cardrives

happy days happy times driving countryside mountain days every other day swimming in falls climbing hills wading in beaches with his porky little swine brother Ngeepee who is the best little porky swimmer. Porkchops pig swims like a hippo in a ballerina pinky white costume. Swims better than his water-allergy big  'baby'(black sheep)brother Mwerzh

Me and Ngee

January 2002